Saturday, October 30, 2010

The future is uncertain

The future is uncertain.

At this time two months ago, I was walking out of the jungle after a mountain hiking trip in Gunung Yong Yap, Cameron Highland. I still remembered my legs were tired and my problematic right knee was swelling up inside as we made our way out of Pos Brooke orang asli settlement. The pain was not new, I have a history of “running patella” (running kneecap) or patella femoral syndrome which I always felt disappointed since it causes me pain most of the time when I am hiking or running.

Today, I no longer have the running patella on my right knee. I say again, the future is uncertain.

Reality is, …that the night that I was eager to get home and get a good rest… I ended up in Ipoh General Hospital emergency room with bruises and lacerations all over my body and face, burst blood vessels in my right eye, fractured my tailbone, broken right arm , broken right leg, and worst of all shattered my right knee.

Looking at the bright side of things, I still have my life, a fully functional brain and eye, and no memory lost (though I could not remember the car crash). But the future is uncertain.

I can now no longer enjoy being the outdoor girl that I am so in love with…because the orthopedic surgeon could only save five “Lego” pieces out of the eight from my patella. Steel plates, screws and pins are inserted into my arm and leg which will help me function again but the wires looping my patella will not help me regain a 100% function of the knee.

Accepting this fact is not easy. How am I going to do it? What choice do I have?

Patella replacement? Patella removal? Total knee replacement? The more I research do about getting my knee back leads me to more disappointment. Any “spare part” replacement can only last for approximately 15 years until I need to go through the whole operation and rehabilitation process again. Plus a total knee replacement can only give a certain bending range, up to 120 degree if I am right.

“Your knee now is not fit for a patella replacement and you are too young for a total knee replacement. You have to avoid all your hiking and climbing and running if you want to make your knee last. Hopefully it will not be me who will be doing your knee replacement because even with minimal activity your knee will need to be replaced sooner or later due to the current broken patella pieces” I remember those words like it was told to me yesterday.

Hiking, climbing, running on trail, completing marathons and ultra marathons, adventure races, yoga, DANCING! How can I just drop all this?

“Well you can still hike and run, go ahead. But I will tell you that the pain will stop you. And even if you can bare the pain, remember that the more you use your knee, the sooner you need them replaced”

...

The future is uncertain. I just hope there will be medical miracle which will help fell a little happier.

I physical and mentally feel pain, miserable and depressed. Indulging in self pity is just bad for me but at this moment and many moments to come, the melancholy will stay with me.

Email me at eatfirstthinklater[at]gmail[dot]com or drop me a message here.

15 pieces of worms:

~Christine~Leng

omg gal. right now all u u have to do is a good rest, leaving all miserable thoughts behind.

U still hav friends and family to support you. Knowing that the outdoor activities are your fave, yea it's hard.

take good care! hugz

Anonymous

Hello teckiee,

Wish you recover soon and be positive! Please take good care. =)

a reader of your blog

babe_kl

*hugs* chin up gurl! with the advancement of technology in the medical fields, am sure there will be good news for you ;-)

May

Hi! This is my first time writing to you. I've been following your blog for the past 2 years but I noticed you didnt post as frequently as you used to.

Do not give up,God is with you. God bless you! I hope to see more updates from you ! Get well soon =)

Nat

Hang in there woman.

I think for now, focus on your short term objectives and live life to the fullest extend with whatever you have right now. Don't use up too much energy thinking about what may or may not happen in the not too distant future. Doctors could say never this never that, but you never know, recovery is unique between diff peeps.

Yeah, most of us are not going through what you are right now, but that's what us friends are here for. We will do our best to make your recovery period as painless and as joyful as possible.

I am assigning you your next mission: Try to get back 40-50% mobility so we can get out and drown ourselves with some steady fun in the mall. Watch a good movie, eat nice food, and just chill out with us. ;-) Don't worry, I will make 100% certainty to make this as accessible as possible for you.

*Hugs*

Hazza

Hey, I feel for you although I do not know exactly how you feel. I have degenerating knees due to age, but I can still do my weekly runs and it was not a sudden condition. So, I can only imagine how traumatic it must be for you at you age. Take care and I hope you soon find new pursuits that give you equal satisfaction.

Advance Dynamics Asia

Keep it up girl! Tomorrow will be a better day! Be and think positive, very soon you will overcome all the odds.

mush, brecht & nora

dearest teckiee
everytime i drop by, there's surprising news BUT this time is the first time that i truly felt sad and bad for u. I pray that the future brings u much more hope, great news and much better health. Take good care ok.

Hugs
Mush in Belgium

wmw

Live and live now, for you have a life to live.

fatboybakes

omigoodness teckie, i'm so sorry to hear about this. my prayers and thoughts are with you at this time for a quick recovery. dont give up hope. take care ya.

teckiee

Thank you all. I am still recovering...and trying my best to stay positive. I will not give up so easily because the future is uncertain.

Meena

I feel so bad for you. :-( Will pray for your recovery. Hugs sweetie.

d_luaz

Hiking and dancing, we definitely could clicks well.

I guess life is just full of shit, and most of the time unexpected shits waiting to happen. Take care my friend, as things will turn out for the better, one way or another :) I felt for you, and be strong.

Anonymous

I really enjoy reading your blog.
I'm sad to hear you're suffering
from your knee problem. Perhaps you should explore alternative treatments to heal you and to control the pain. It's frustrating
you want to explore outdoor challenges but unable to.

Take care of yourself. Don't give up. Maybe take up a new challenge/hobby to distract yourself.
I will pray for you.

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